If Pokemon Go Did Dating Apps

Disclaimer: This is not real. Do not take this seriously. Visit the Pokemon Go website if you're interested in the actual game, not this fake dating app.

Get ready for the best of all dating apps, Paktormon Go!

Put your training for countless right swipes to good use this time – in Paktormon Go, flick your balls at wild dates to try capture as many as you can.

Explore the nooks and crannies where you live to encounter as many dates as you possibly can. As you get off your lazy ass and walk through the real world ( it’s not that scary, we promise!), your phone/tablet will vibrate to let you know when you’re near a date!

  • For safety’s sake, never play Paktormon Go if it means multitasking – we all know how terrible you are at that. And if you have to wander away from your parents to catch a date, you’re probably too young to be on this app.

ENCOUNTER DATES

Start the hunt by exploring as many places as you can. Dates love public places like malls and cafes. Visiting different sorts of places can give you a better variety of dates.

It’s most effective to look for dates at places that match their type best. If you’re at a club, you’re more likely to find a Party Girl date.

The Nearby feature helps you sort out how near dates are to your current location.

  • Do not attempt to capture dates at places where it might not be safe. For instance, trespassing is not cool and the police may get involved. Likewise, toilets of the opposite gender are strictly out of bounds unless you wish to spend the night in a jail cell.

LEVEL UP YOUR TRAINER

Catching many dates can earn you Experience Points ( XP) – totally useless in real life but you’ll have eternal glory and bragging rights strictly for online purposes.

Learning new skillsets and developing more hobbies unlocks achievement medals that will appear on your player profile. The more medals you have, the more attractive you might be to other dates!

DATES

Look out for the important details before capturing a date! The type indicated on a date’s profile is a good indication of how compatible the two of you will be.

For instance, a Clingy / Jealous type date will not match well with a Party type.

The higher the HP, the older the date! So look out for that.

The first time evolving a date requires a certain amount of Girlfriend Candy – make sure to stock up on that before making a move! Subsequent evolutions require more complex and expensive ‘candy’, like a diamond ring for the fourth finger.

YOUR GUIDE TO PAKTORMON GO

Let’s look through the four starter dates on Paktormon Go.

1. The Clingy / Jealous

This date can be found in many different places – cafes, cinemas, and shops. They are relatively easy to encounter, but might be difficult to capture at first. They’re exceptionally devoted to their partners, and in return, require constant reassurance, affection and a large portion of your time.

2. The Party Girl

This date can be found at parties and clubs. They make their appearances mostly at night, scouring the latest hot spots for a good drink and time. It’s hard to stock up on Girlfriend candy for the Party Girl, so evolving them is a tough job. Visit PaktorStops to make sure your bag is loaded with drinks and opportunities for guest lists at clubs.

  • The Party Girl has an extremely high likelihood of running away and escaping, even after Razz Berries have been given. ( Read: Razz Berries in the form of drinks, food, and guest lists. Not Roofies)

3. The “Influencer”

This date can be found at Insta-worthy places. They’re usually found with a personal photographer, or with a DSLR. Be prepared to start a meal only after multiple similar photos have been taken of the table and dishes. Afternoon dates may revolve around photoshoots under the blazing hot sun on random rooftops or being bitten by mosquitoes in the middle of a lalang field.

4. The Out of Your League

This date is virtually impossible to get encounter. No Paktorball can catch this date, and the Girlfriend Candy is hard to come by.

Possible sightings in just one habitat – the Friendzone.

Give up.